contraception and celebrities

so i hung out with my mom yesterday in celebration of new year. my mother informs me (as she is apparently now the gossip central) that natalie portman is pregnant and engaged, in that order. first of all, black swan--great movie and natalie portman was amazing in it. just reconfirms my firm stance that she is my favorite jew. and she and mila kunis had the hottest lesbian sex scene. if i had a lesbian fantasy this portrayed it pretty damn close. and as mila kunis is also a fellow jew, it makes me proud of my people: we make hot sex scenes :) but i digress. so i'm not sure if this natalie portman rumor is true, but i am suddenly sad as this is just another 'accidental unplanned' celebrity pregnancy. which makes me think: why is no one in hollywood using birth control? i mean with all the recent accidental babies, you would think there is not a single gynecologist in beverly hills. with today's advances in contraception, no one should ever get accidentally pregnant, unless they truly lack the resources. there are so many options out there that you can pretty much figure out what works best for you. cant remember to take pills everyday? no problem! cant touch the inside of your vagina? no problem! yes some people are stuck with less than optimal options,. like residents cannot be on pills because our schedules suck and we would never remember to take pills. obese women cannot be patched up with a patch. but i doubt anyone in hollywood is walking around with a DVT or a clotting disorder, or is a smoker over 35...although wait. but even then, there is always Depo. and yes depo does make you gain weight, but only if you give into your cravings. and since A list celebs dont eat anyways, that's not a problem. i mean, we see unplanned pregnancies all the time: little 15 year old girls from inner city chicago who either dont know better, or cant get access to forms of contraception that would work for them. or who cant make their dumbass boyfriend put on a condom even. but hollywood crowd? let's be serious. so that makes me wonder: either celebs are stupid, or this is a secret trendy thing to do--get pregnant, cause then you can just decorate your kid like the newest accessory puppy and name it weirdo names like crayola colors or inanimate objects. but if that's not the case then i may have discovered an employment niche. i should just move to LA (although god knows i hate southern cali) and open a clinic, providing contraception and abortion services to the rich and famous. i would have a back door so patients can leave without being seen. and we could conceal the front with some posh, dimly lit spa (so oyu can get your nails done while you wait for your pee sample to cook) and i could get juicy to design the mirena models. and there'll be plenty of propafol for everyone!! and that's how i'm going to pay off my med school loans. until then the celebs can just come to uic and i will be happy to sit down with them and review all of their contraceptive options, in details. they might just have to wait for their clinic appointment. cause we're booked. always.