I perform circumcisions, much like a Moyle but without songs or cake. I dislike circumcisions, not as a choice, but as a procedure I am forced to do. I dont get why, as an OB/Gyn, I have to do them. I mean, it makes sense in the sense that it is a surgical procedure, and Ob/Gyn's are surgeons and pediatricians are not. But it does not make sense for many other reasons. I operate on wieners I never see again. Pediatricians follow these wieners for many years. They see them for their vaccinations, and annual physicals, and school and sports clearance. They watch these wieners potty train and grow out of diaper rashes; they watch them ascend through the Tanner stages and develop pubic hair. I do not, and after it's done I never see the fruits of my work...unless it bleeds in the middle of the night. Also, I work with women; 50% of my patient population is immediately eliminated, and, in my professional life, I do not work with penis. So why am i entrusted in performing cosmetic surgery on a body part i never work with?! That's a lot of trust!
Now, the procedure--removal of the foreskin--much like the penis itself, is pretty simple and straight forward. But the process to get it done is a hassle. Usually, I do circumcisions in the morning for sons of women who are going home. Mornings are busy: there are many patients to see, many patients to discharge, there are surgeries happening downstairs, and patients in labor. And as soon as you enter the postpartum floor, nurses bombard you with "i have a circ! I have a circ". it interrupts the flow. Then, the whole process of consent. Most women want their sons' dicks to look pretty (circumcised), but they forget that this requires a surgical procedure. So then I'm stuck in a room with some lady who can't make up her mind. "well, i want it, but i'm so worried. well i want it, but he will cry." then, you get all these theoretical questions, especially, when parents disagree. what are the benefits? well, technically it reduces risk of HIV and other viral transmission, but the studies have mostly been done in areas where HIV rates are way higher, so epidemiologically, it does not make much sense in this country. In this country, without a religious cause, it is purely cosmetic. It is simply because we, as society, decided circumcised penises are neater and prettier. but that's neither here nor there, and usually what makes more sense in the explanation sense is whether or not your son is going to feel weird when he looks at his male relatives, cousins, or kids at school. that's a lot for a mom to swallow: trying to compare your fears and concerns over me hurting your baby right now, and any future concerns of your son feeling even more self-conscious or weird than he will already feel about his pubescent little body. that's a lot of theory early in the morning that no one has time for! and then, of course, you get all these questions about the future of the penis, what to do with it, how will it feel. I dont know, i dont work with penis! nor do i have one!! finally, once the decision is made, and the mother parts with her treasure, you have to de-diaper and watch out for unexpected pee fountains released as if a defense mechanism, as if it knows what's coming.
And after it's all done, i usually make a statement, absolving myself of any responsibility of this penis' future relationship successes and failures. amen.
