a few words about work related developments, just bare with me.
a patient comes in last night complaining of face numbness. why is she in OB (that's labor and delivery, obstetrical) triage? because she has a vagina, and it just so happened that she, in some past, kind of recent past, delivered a baby...through her vagina. so what am I going to do about her face numbness? am i qualified to take care of neurological numbness issues? NOPE. but it doesnt matter. she has a vagina and has recently reproduced, therefore, she is now my responsibility. so what did i do? consulted neuro like the real downstairs ED would have done. they diagnosed and prescribed necessary meds and my job? was to periodically check on her to make sure she wasnt bored out of her mind waiting for the neurology resident.
so why are other services afraid of women? well, maybe not all women in general, but vaginas more specifically. dont get me wrong, i'm more than happy to see patients and take care of them when other services request help. but sometimes patients get send over and consulted on for reasons that are far from gynecological. case in point. my colleague had to see a consult in the ER for vaginal bleeding. she goes downstairs and meets a sweet little lady who found blood in her underwear. my coresident evaluates patient because vaginal bleeding in little old lady can only mean badness, only to find that the lady is having rectal bleeding...from her massive adn quite visible hemorrhoids. is this a gyne issue? no. did the ED resident even bother checking 'down there' to identify the source of blood? no. the lesson? not all that bleeds is gyne!
pregnancy kind of goes along the same lines. just because the lady is pregnant doesnt mean her complaints are pregnancy related. pregnant women are still humans. i know it's weird and strange and scary, but they are still women and patients, first adn foremost. so twisted ankles, headaches, diarrhea can still be treated like it would be in normal people...really. i promise. on the opposite spectrum, of course, are pregnant ladies themselves, who, in their pregnant state, suddenly become superalert and hypervigilant and every little minor thing becomes an emergency. i know, i've never been pregnant, but i imagine having a growing moving entity inside your abdomen must incite all sorts of weirdnesses, aches, and sensations (including gas and general bowel complaints). so is it really necessary to make a special trip to the ED if you're having a headache? or havent had a bowel movement in 2 days. 'do you otherwise feel ok? are you vomiting, are you still eating?" 'yeah, but i feel constipated.' but, wait, given my crazy broken schedule of residency, i'm constipated too! you dont find me hanging out in the ED in the middle of the night! (well, you do, but not as a patient) sigh. it's ok, dealing with all sorts of complaints will only make me a more educated health care provider. and i'm more than happy to reassure my patients that everything is ok. it just sucks that they end up waiting in triage for hours :(.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Monday, August 2, 2010
laboring and delivering
it's been about 6 weeks since i've become a real boy...err...real doctor. i thought i'd share some thoughts.
my most favorite so far is when i walk into a patient's room and get a 'are you old enough to be a doctor?" it's cute, it's annoying, whatever. the best is when the patient in bed is like 22 herself, and it's really hard not to respond to that with 'are you sure you're old enough to have kids?" to make small talk i ask my patients what they're having: a boy or a girl, and whether this unborn child has a name yet. this is asked mostly for curiosity because, you know, what if the name is kind of ugly? you cant say that, so everyone just gets the same 'aww, that's cute!" no matter what crazy thing they're naming their kid. so far, most names have been decently sane. the only problem is spelling. why are we trying to phonetically spell kids' names now? you know no one in the world is ever going to spell this one correctly, or even pronounce it properly, because even though it's phonetic, everyone will try to make it something it's not, leaving your child in endless sessions of therapy trying to resolve its identity crisis.
everyone always wants to know how much the baby weighs.. immediately after it is born..like the same second. i know weights matter, but i'd be more concerned about my baby having an ugly toe or just intact digits altogether. instead, as soon as the cord is cut, the question comes 'how much does he/she weigh?" really? that important? ironically, baby's weight is the last thing that is done (after little guy is cleaned and dried and we make sure its palate is not cleft adn it has a patent butt).
i love group deliveries. by that i mean, when you walk into a patient room and it looks like the room can play soccer (that's 11 players on the field for those who dont follow). yes births are exciting adn family members, friends, neighbors, coworkers all want to share. but why would you want a crew of people hanging out while your cervix dilates? hospital just does not seem like the place to have a fun get-together. it especially gets weird when adult male members of the family hang out while i check ladies' cervices. like dads remain in the room while their daughter, with effect of epidural has no feeling left in her legs and just let's them flop out as i check for dilation. a little weird, a little perverse, a little questionable.
god, i sound bitter. the best moment, i think, is when the little one finally comes out and the parents meet it for the first time, and they immediately love it, despite the fact they just met it and it's covered in schmutz.
my most favorite so far is when i walk into a patient's room and get a 'are you old enough to be a doctor?" it's cute, it's annoying, whatever. the best is when the patient in bed is like 22 herself, and it's really hard not to respond to that with 'are you sure you're old enough to have kids?" to make small talk i ask my patients what they're having: a boy or a girl, and whether this unborn child has a name yet. this is asked mostly for curiosity because, you know, what if the name is kind of ugly? you cant say that, so everyone just gets the same 'aww, that's cute!" no matter what crazy thing they're naming their kid. so far, most names have been decently sane. the only problem is spelling. why are we trying to phonetically spell kids' names now? you know no one in the world is ever going to spell this one correctly, or even pronounce it properly, because even though it's phonetic, everyone will try to make it something it's not, leaving your child in endless sessions of therapy trying to resolve its identity crisis.
everyone always wants to know how much the baby weighs.. immediately after it is born..like the same second. i know weights matter, but i'd be more concerned about my baby having an ugly toe or just intact digits altogether. instead, as soon as the cord is cut, the question comes 'how much does he/she weigh?" really? that important? ironically, baby's weight is the last thing that is done (after little guy is cleaned and dried and we make sure its palate is not cleft adn it has a patent butt).
i love group deliveries. by that i mean, when you walk into a patient room and it looks like the room can play soccer (that's 11 players on the field for those who dont follow). yes births are exciting adn family members, friends, neighbors, coworkers all want to share. but why would you want a crew of people hanging out while your cervix dilates? hospital just does not seem like the place to have a fun get-together. it especially gets weird when adult male members of the family hang out while i check ladies' cervices. like dads remain in the room while their daughter, with effect of epidural has no feeling left in her legs and just let's them flop out as i check for dilation. a little weird, a little perverse, a little questionable.
god, i sound bitter. the best moment, i think, is when the little one finally comes out and the parents meet it for the first time, and they immediately love it, despite the fact they just met it and it's covered in schmutz.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
night float
so i'm night-floating at christ. there is something very different about being on night float.
first of all, the hospital shuts down. of course, not literally because there are still patients, but it's like no one else is around. and it totally gets quiet, although not totally silent. it's amazing what noises are present once everything quiets down. like the pharmacy machine hums and lights hum and you can hear monitors beeping. it's eerie. combined with the eerie halogen radiation of teh lights, which are either dimmed for patient relaxation (not nurses or doctors on) or made brighted to keep us all awake. either way, the light at night is always off, artificial, strange, burning. the temperature drops, for some reason, maybe, to keep patients in bed under covers discourage random midnight wanderings around the hall. great for patient safety, bad for me because i freeze on night shifts, like, fingers turning blue shivering freeze. which is worse when i repeatedly have to check women's cervices...with freezing fingers. eekk.
it's amazing what people request in teh middle of the night. i've had request for sandwiches. why you would want a hospital sandwich at 2am, AND bother everyone around just to get one...when you're specifically not supposed to be eating, i have no idea. family members hang out and want more family members to come up. this is especially problematic when there are children involved because suddenly little kids are trying ot get onto the floor, in the middle of hte night, only to crash on the awkward pull out couch with 3 other family members there. it bothers laboring patients, who should be asleep if they're not contracting too much because, god knows, comes morning, they'll likely to receive more medication to make their contractions strongly and then they'll really want that nap.
late night tv is also always great. i like to check out what people are watching when i walk into their room in the middle of the night to check them. yes, mid of the night tv sucks in general, but some people make weird choices. i walked into a room of a patient watching prostate cancer infomercials in spanish..the patient was definitely not spanish speaking. married with children is a great hit, as are 'let's lose weight with these scary diet pills which are really probably just meth". i guess you'd want to lose weight after pregnancy, but i'd be bored with infomercials in the middle of the night, ... and sleepy.
wait, i do get sleepy. at like 4am it hits you no matter waht. you get stupid and exhausted adn all you want to do is close your eyes, for a sec, seriously, just a sec and then you'll be totally awake, just a sec. but i survived. all 4 weeks. and i would like to thank all my friends, family members, adn complete strangers for calling and texting me and wanting to make plans and checking up on me and reminding me of my dental appointments, in the middle of the day, when it's my night and i so totally need to be sleeping. :)
first of all, the hospital shuts down. of course, not literally because there are still patients, but it's like no one else is around. and it totally gets quiet, although not totally silent. it's amazing what noises are present once everything quiets down. like the pharmacy machine hums and lights hum and you can hear monitors beeping. it's eerie. combined with the eerie halogen radiation of teh lights, which are either dimmed for patient relaxation (not nurses or doctors on) or made brighted to keep us all awake. either way, the light at night is always off, artificial, strange, burning. the temperature drops, for some reason, maybe, to keep patients in bed under covers discourage random midnight wanderings around the hall. great for patient safety, bad for me because i freeze on night shifts, like, fingers turning blue shivering freeze. which is worse when i repeatedly have to check women's cervices...with freezing fingers. eekk.
it's amazing what people request in teh middle of the night. i've had request for sandwiches. why you would want a hospital sandwich at 2am, AND bother everyone around just to get one...when you're specifically not supposed to be eating, i have no idea. family members hang out and want more family members to come up. this is especially problematic when there are children involved because suddenly little kids are trying ot get onto the floor, in the middle of hte night, only to crash on the awkward pull out couch with 3 other family members there. it bothers laboring patients, who should be asleep if they're not contracting too much because, god knows, comes morning, they'll likely to receive more medication to make their contractions strongly and then they'll really want that nap.
late night tv is also always great. i like to check out what people are watching when i walk into their room in the middle of the night to check them. yes, mid of the night tv sucks in general, but some people make weird choices. i walked into a room of a patient watching prostate cancer infomercials in spanish..the patient was definitely not spanish speaking. married with children is a great hit, as are 'let's lose weight with these scary diet pills which are really probably just meth". i guess you'd want to lose weight after pregnancy, but i'd be bored with infomercials in the middle of the night, ... and sleepy.
wait, i do get sleepy. at like 4am it hits you no matter waht. you get stupid and exhausted adn all you want to do is close your eyes, for a sec, seriously, just a sec and then you'll be totally awake, just a sec. but i survived. all 4 weeks. and i would like to thank all my friends, family members, adn complete strangers for calling and texting me and wanting to make plans and checking up on me and reminding me of my dental appointments, in the middle of the day, when it's my night and i so totally need to be sleeping. :)
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
home
didnt sleep. apparently, i was now sleeping next to the highway. somehow, the stupid narrow italian street where pedestrians have to flatten themselves against the wall when a car passes by, turned into rush hour traffic.. after midnight. so much noise, there is honking and motors, and scooters, and bikes, so sleep is out of the question. finally died down around 4 am, but i have to get up in like half hour. screw it, i'm up. train isnt for another hour, so i am enjoying my cappuccino in the company of all men. train ride is uneventful (and on time!). check in. anotehr cappuccino. waste left over currency at the duty free (i wonder how much chocolate one can buy without looking suspicious?) fell asleep on super-short flight to duesseldorf (after another cup of coffee) next to the guy who was super confused about my origin, since i spoke german with the flight attendant, but read a perfectly english book. by the time we land, i need to board. there is a line at the passport control. crap. think about cutting the line, but, of course, they wheel 2 people in wheelchairs in front of me to jump the line. i can't get mad at handicapped people! finally get through. on the plane, sitting next to teh cutest little old german lady, who unfortunately smells like a little old lady (:( ) and needs help explaining everything about her seat. i'm singled out for my special meal. this lunch, i swear, was created by some creative artistic type because it's all orange. pickled potato/yellow pepper salad, slabs of polenta on top of yellow pepper/yellow zucchini something. it's gross, but looks bright :). while i napped my chemical induced nap, the little old lady got my immigration form: "i didnt know what language to get it in for you, so i just got you english." precious! i'm having mixed feelings. i'm ready to be home, shower and sleep in my own bed, maybe do some laundry. but this also means the end of fun and i'm freaking out. i dont want to go to work!! i dont want to fill out paperwork in preparation or pick out the kind of insurance i want! it's too real! i dont want to be responsible. i dont want to be a doctor! can't i just stay on the beach? the american security line is super long. the lady stamping my passport, for reasons of security i'm sure, asks me what i do in chicago. 'i'm a doctor' 'waht kind?" "ob/gyn?' was that really necessary? couldnt we have talked about something else to determine i am not a threat? get me back on the plane!
Monday, May 24, 2010
last day
the alarm went off @ 7. was supposed to go off @ 8 but my phone, for some reason, decided to be on greek time and went off an hour early. boo! aggie is still drunk, eva cant find her shoes (because they are in teh tv cabinet :)) time for the boat. this turns out to be a steam boat, like full out mississippi style, which i found out when it started spewing smoke and making crazy steamboat noises right over my head. startling!
while on the boat, a group of 3 italian teen boys with accordion, wooden clappy thing, and a tirolian hat appeared accompanied by men of various ages. the group prceeded to sing italian, which made me confused: are they part of teh boat? are they looking for money? is this a sunday afternoon boy scout activity?
the boat ride took an hour of picturesque scenery of colorful villages on hills, clear water reflecting the sun with luscious green hills towering over. we docked in a small village which was..on top of a mountain. damn mountains!!up we go, on jagged stones to the only restaurant in teh village for pizza (god, no more pizza, please) heading back down, ila fails to lead correclt ynad we take a wrong turn, have to double back up the hill and almost miss the boat. on the boat ride back, waved to george :)
chilled in the park watching sunbathers..and maybe commenting on certain inappropriate usage of banana-hammocks. then chilled osme more with laptop and sex and the city (mm..sex and the city). dinner iwth newlyweds :) followed by stroll through teh city with marco as tour-guide. not bad! i gotta get up early so i'm off to bed. this has been a ton of fun :)
while on the boat, a group of 3 italian teen boys with accordion, wooden clappy thing, and a tirolian hat appeared accompanied by men of various ages. the group prceeded to sing italian, which made me confused: are they part of teh boat? are they looking for money? is this a sunday afternoon boy scout activity?
the boat ride took an hour of picturesque scenery of colorful villages on hills, clear water reflecting the sun with luscious green hills towering over. we docked in a small village which was..on top of a mountain. damn mountains!!up we go, on jagged stones to the only restaurant in teh village for pizza (god, no more pizza, please) heading back down, ila fails to lead correclt ynad we take a wrong turn, have to double back up the hill and almost miss the boat. on the boat ride back, waved to george :)
chilled in the park watching sunbathers..and maybe commenting on certain inappropriate usage of banana-hammocks. then chilled osme more with laptop and sex and the city (mm..sex and the city). dinner iwth newlyweds :) followed by stroll through teh city with marco as tour-guide. not bad! i gotta get up early so i'm off to bed. this has been a ton of fun :)
ila englof gets married!!
wedding day. first problem: i've been practically barefoot for the past week. so stuffing my swollen feet into expensive stilettos--no good. turns out wherever we go that day ends up being either gravel or grass..really no good!
we are bussed to a city villa where in the back, in a stone gazebo, the mayor of como, sporting a tricolor italian sash, is going to marry ila and marco. the mayor happens to be a very handsome gentleman--definitely wouldnt mind getting some gelatto with him. ila's dress is gorgeous (and valentino!) and her hair and makeup (courtesy of eva and jane) look great. what a beautiful bride! the mayor reads a bunch of stuff in italian (no idea what ila just agreed to. 17 kids? ceremonial ritual orgies?), they sign the certificate, exchange rings and are married! not going to lie, was holding back tears :)
off to reception, in a bus, up a steep hill, one lane road wiht rock on one side and cliff on the other. the view at the villa is amazing. when i say villa, i mean like real 19th century nobility with time appropriate furniture art and dishes. start out with a spread of appetizers adn prosecco. it's 2pm :). then off to higher level to actual tables, where the epic 17.5 course dinner begins. not really 17, but it felt like it, supplemented by unlimited wine. props to the caterers for making sure i get a veggie plate for all the courses. it was surprising to see what they were going to bring out each time, wondering what else can they possibly do to a zucchini.
marco's friends--fashionable italian men--displayed an array of fitted designer suits. some were of different colors adn everyone was surprised that tehre was only one red suit :(
carla's speech made everyone cry (stupid carla!) in between courses we'd wander off to walk around the villa. guess what i found? turtles!! so of course, i had to climb down the stone wall, fancy dress and shoes, into the pen where they were hiding/napping. everyone kept yelling to a)get out of turtle pen, b) leave turtles alone. "salmonella, alex, salmonella!!"
inter-milan was playing bayern in teh champions league. not a fan of bayern, ordinarily, but i had to cheer for the german team. so i periodically had to run inside, where the owners of the villa set up a tv just for this, to check the score. after it got dark we sat around a small table just chatting. being on gravel, the chair (or me) tipped and i fell, on my ass, in a dress. very graceful. i also owe ila and marco many hours of babysitting their future children. carla blew up their save-teh-date into a poster to have everyone sign it. the worst idea was to pass this around after hours of drinking and in the dark. i signed htis thing half in the air, in my bestest doctor squiggle. not only do i not know what i wrote, but staring at it, i was unable to discern a single letter. :( sorry guys for ruining your memories.
the bus ride back to como turned into a sing-along to carla;s dying ipod speakers. milan won and como exploded into crowds of cheering, yelling, celebrating black and blue. instantaneously, i'm back in florence when during world cup germany lost to italy and faield to advance to the finals and i was sad in teh city of italian happiness. the wedding party continued to a bar and i, slightly drunk, slightly pissed, had no desire to navigate the crowd in a fancy dress. so i pulled a staci and peaced out. good night.
we are bussed to a city villa where in the back, in a stone gazebo, the mayor of como, sporting a tricolor italian sash, is going to marry ila and marco. the mayor happens to be a very handsome gentleman--definitely wouldnt mind getting some gelatto with him. ila's dress is gorgeous (and valentino!) and her hair and makeup (courtesy of eva and jane) look great. what a beautiful bride! the mayor reads a bunch of stuff in italian (no idea what ila just agreed to. 17 kids? ceremonial ritual orgies?), they sign the certificate, exchange rings and are married! not going to lie, was holding back tears :)
off to reception, in a bus, up a steep hill, one lane road wiht rock on one side and cliff on the other. the view at the villa is amazing. when i say villa, i mean like real 19th century nobility with time appropriate furniture art and dishes. start out with a spread of appetizers adn prosecco. it's 2pm :). then off to higher level to actual tables, where the epic 17.5 course dinner begins. not really 17, but it felt like it, supplemented by unlimited wine. props to the caterers for making sure i get a veggie plate for all the courses. it was surprising to see what they were going to bring out each time, wondering what else can they possibly do to a zucchini.
marco's friends--fashionable italian men--displayed an array of fitted designer suits. some were of different colors adn everyone was surprised that tehre was only one red suit :(
carla's speech made everyone cry (stupid carla!) in between courses we'd wander off to walk around the villa. guess what i found? turtles!! so of course, i had to climb down the stone wall, fancy dress and shoes, into the pen where they were hiding/napping. everyone kept yelling to a)get out of turtle pen, b) leave turtles alone. "salmonella, alex, salmonella!!"
inter-milan was playing bayern in teh champions league. not a fan of bayern, ordinarily, but i had to cheer for the german team. so i periodically had to run inside, where the owners of the villa set up a tv just for this, to check the score. after it got dark we sat around a small table just chatting. being on gravel, the chair (or me) tipped and i fell, on my ass, in a dress. very graceful. i also owe ila and marco many hours of babysitting their future children. carla blew up their save-teh-date into a poster to have everyone sign it. the worst idea was to pass this around after hours of drinking and in the dark. i signed htis thing half in the air, in my bestest doctor squiggle. not only do i not know what i wrote, but staring at it, i was unable to discern a single letter. :( sorry guys for ruining your memories.
the bus ride back to como turned into a sing-along to carla;s dying ipod speakers. milan won and como exploded into crowds of cheering, yelling, celebrating black and blue. instantaneously, i'm back in florence when during world cup germany lost to italy and faield to advance to the finals and i was sad in teh city of italian happiness. the wedding party continued to a bar and i, slightly drunk, slightly pissed, had no desire to navigate the crowd in a fancy dress. so i pulled a staci and peaced out. good night.
"but i dont want to cimb a mountain"
first day in como. wake up early to explore teh city. go inside the duomo--it's really pretty. probably makes it to the top of the most beautiful domes list. wander around. meet ila and go shopping in this obscene traveling large touristy clusterfuck. lunch and off to ride the funicular up the mountain. there is a lighthouse on top and it's an 'easy' 10 min walk, 'no hiking shoes needed'. incorrect! suddenly, i am being coaxed into hiking up a mountain, up jagged rocks in sandals and a skirt. not cool! the view at the top is great--this is where marco proposed--and being on top of a mountain overlooking como, i can see why ila said yes :)
i am in carb hell. it appears italians consume nothing but refined carbohydrates (and occasional prosciutto). i hardly ever eat carb, unless it's in sugar form. portions are huge and i just want to chew on some lettuce!!
italian men stare and by that i mean at boobs. i thought this would be a problem in greece, but i guess santorinians are used to seeing girls in bikinis all the time. here, everyone possessing a Y chromosome between the ages of 7 and 70 has their eyes automatically locked on cleavage or general T4 (dermatome) zone. it's almost comical.
we're battling a battle with our cleaning lady. apparently, she likes to hide things. i came back one day after she cleaned thinking i've misplaced my shoes. i found them..in the cabinet under the tv. why? the toothbrushes were deposited into a cup..full of water. i didnt realize toothbrushes were like plants and needed to be kept hydrated. aggie's shopping bag was hung in the closet...on a hanger. the whole bag. weird.
i am in carb hell. it appears italians consume nothing but refined carbohydrates (and occasional prosciutto). i hardly ever eat carb, unless it's in sugar form. portions are huge and i just want to chew on some lettuce!!
italian men stare and by that i mean at boobs. i thought this would be a problem in greece, but i guess santorinians are used to seeing girls in bikinis all the time. here, everyone possessing a Y chromosome between the ages of 7 and 70 has their eyes automatically locked on cleavage or general T4 (dermatome) zone. it's almost comical.
we're battling a battle with our cleaning lady. apparently, she likes to hide things. i came back one day after she cleaned thinking i've misplaced my shoes. i found them..in the cabinet under the tv. why? the toothbrushes were deposited into a cup..full of water. i didnt realize toothbrushes were like plants and needed to be kept hydrated. aggie's shopping bag was hung in the closet...on a hanger. the whole bag. weird.
como? to como!
flight to como left at 6:55am, cab pick up was at 5:30, which is normal work waking time. i was definitely dragging. man, i am going to be so screwed in 3 weeks!! huge line at the tiny airport. the airlines people (greeks!) are slow and no one is moving..at all. flight is delayed, but somehow we end up arriving half an hour early (this is like seinfeld: "if they know they can go faster, why dont they always fly this fast?!!") practically no layover. the security is a joke. i had to ask the guy if he actually wanted me to remove my liquids baggy, "sure, why not?!"could have walked right through--liquids, shoes, and belts. somehow, i am stuck in the middle between carla and an italian gentleman frantically typing away on his laptop. the this is, the plane is not full adn the gentleman could have been frantically typing away in the aisle next to some unsuspecting dude napping at the window. but no, alex is small and can be put in teh middle!! i eventually extricated myself from under the food tray, from between (sleeping) carla and typing man and moved to another seat.
saw some ladies getting off the plane in 3 inch stilettos, pantyhose, and miniskirts. ok, i get it, you're italian, that's what you wear, but why subject yourself to uncomfortable 3 hours of uncomfortable pantyhose sitting is beyond me. meanwhile, arriving in como, i already feel underdressed. i've hardly worn anything but a swimsuit for the last 6 days, but suddenly find myself lacking accessories to look as fabulous.
como is beautiful! old streets, great green hills, quiet lake. i'm back in my little europe spot. had gelatto for lunch and will likely subside on it for the rest of the trip. the cute little old italian man owning the hotel doesnt speak english and communicates primarily by gestures, while taking puffs from cigarette left outside the door under the giant "no smoking!" sign. italian maps are crap, i forgot! went out to find internet and water. following specific detailed visual instructions to the post office from map acquired from little old man and was nowhere in its vicinity. ended up stumbling upon it, accidentally, while taking a stroll. it was closed. the sign said open from 9-6:30. it was 5. then, walked into a grocery store and almost had a tiny little orgasm as i salivated over the spread of cheeses. on teh way home found doener!! made me so happy
oh, almost forgot! when changing trains on the way from milan to como, i am getting off at the platform right in front of an overweight dude in his 20s in a blue sweatsuit of some sort. the guy is staring directly at me while rubbing his penis in a circular motion. just great! so i start walking off the platform to go and see what platform we need to be on for the next train and i turn around to look for carla to ask if she just saw what i saw only to see that the dude is following us, hand on crotch. WTF? we reach the screen with platform numbers and carla catches up so i ask if she saw it too, she goes no, but did i notice that this same dude was making a moany/smacking noise at her? the dude is standing, literally, 20 feet away, staring, rubbing. ummm...we doa fake 'go on platform' but linger, the guy walks up the platform we're supposed to be going, we wait 3 minutes, go up to find him on a different platform behind us, staring, rubbing..welcome to italy!
saw some ladies getting off the plane in 3 inch stilettos, pantyhose, and miniskirts. ok, i get it, you're italian, that's what you wear, but why subject yourself to uncomfortable 3 hours of uncomfortable pantyhose sitting is beyond me. meanwhile, arriving in como, i already feel underdressed. i've hardly worn anything but a swimsuit for the last 6 days, but suddenly find myself lacking accessories to look as fabulous.
como is beautiful! old streets, great green hills, quiet lake. i'm back in my little europe spot. had gelatto for lunch and will likely subside on it for the rest of the trip. the cute little old italian man owning the hotel doesnt speak english and communicates primarily by gestures, while taking puffs from cigarette left outside the door under the giant "no smoking!" sign. italian maps are crap, i forgot! went out to find internet and water. following specific detailed visual instructions to the post office from map acquired from little old man and was nowhere in its vicinity. ended up stumbling upon it, accidentally, while taking a stroll. it was closed. the sign said open from 9-6:30. it was 5. then, walked into a grocery store and almost had a tiny little orgasm as i salivated over the spread of cheeses. on teh way home found doener!! made me so happy
oh, almost forgot! when changing trains on the way from milan to como, i am getting off at the platform right in front of an overweight dude in his 20s in a blue sweatsuit of some sort. the guy is staring directly at me while rubbing his penis in a circular motion. just great! so i start walking off the platform to go and see what platform we need to be on for the next train and i turn around to look for carla to ask if she just saw what i saw only to see that the dude is following us, hand on crotch. WTF? we reach the screen with platform numbers and carla catches up so i ask if she saw it too, she goes no, but did i notice that this same dude was making a moany/smacking noise at her? the dude is standing, literally, 20 feet away, staring, rubbing. ummm...we doa fake 'go on platform' but linger, the guy walks up the platform we're supposed to be going, we wait 3 minutes, go up to find him on a different platform behind us, staring, rubbing..welcome to italy!
grease? greece
so now that i've left the island of santorini, a few words about it. it used to be a volcano, actually, correction--it still is a volcano and the island, which is quite large was part of some eruption that created it. the black beach of Perissa, where we stayed, is black because of lava (or to quote dr. evil, "hot magma!") it is also believed to be the Atlantis. not sure how that works since Atlantis sunk and santorini is perfectyl above ground, but i think, maybe, the civilization used to exist and went under and santorini was created in its place???
we stayed at a hostel booked by carla (yes hostel because it is full of 20 somethings taking a vacation after studying abroad in Italy (cause where else would you study?), Aussies traveling the world because that's what Aussies do, and an occasional 'real' adult on a long sabbatical who is sort of questionably weird but really totally benign. the hostel is 3 steps from teh beach, came equipped with a pool, free internet, and a bar...and friendly neighborhood bartenders with amazing eyes :). the rooms had private showers, although when i say shower, i mean faucet and showerhead that you hold in a designated corner of the bathroom watering yourself like an elephant in teh zoo, while maneuvering as to avoid getting the daily supply of toilet paper wet. speaking of toilet paper: you cannot flush it in santorini. it is, rather, deposited in a basket. this was hard, not just because it's sort of borderline gross but because you inevitably end up forgetting and just flush it anyways. totally do not get why the santorini plumbing can handle feces but not paper.
every morning we would wlak to the main road in town to visit the bakery. the baker who ran this place 24 hours learned to bake from his father. the most amazing smells came out of this palce. and whatever you purchased, you were gifted a sesame breadstick..mmmm...
everybody seems to know everybody. the island is small adn operates on tourism so getting on a bus or getting a taxi--someone just calls someone and then we stop on the road to chat because you always seem to run into a cousin or an uncle-in-law.
because of constant sun exposure, my hypothalamus is totally off. i'm radiating heat adn at the same time constantly chilly, breaking out into involuntary shivers like a newly developed tic disorder or a bad tweaking meth overdose. it's sort of embarrassing. despite that, and the fact that i've eaten a considerable share of greek salad to last me a good while, this was great. the island is beautiful, there is so much to do--it's definitely going on the list of places where, when i'm older and have scored my sugar daddy, i could purchase some lovely property to watch the sunset and sip local wine.
we stayed at a hostel booked by carla (yes hostel because it is full of 20 somethings taking a vacation after studying abroad in Italy (cause where else would you study?), Aussies traveling the world because that's what Aussies do, and an occasional 'real' adult on a long sabbatical who is sort of questionably weird but really totally benign. the hostel is 3 steps from teh beach, came equipped with a pool, free internet, and a bar...and friendly neighborhood bartenders with amazing eyes :). the rooms had private showers, although when i say shower, i mean faucet and showerhead that you hold in a designated corner of the bathroom watering yourself like an elephant in teh zoo, while maneuvering as to avoid getting the daily supply of toilet paper wet. speaking of toilet paper: you cannot flush it in santorini. it is, rather, deposited in a basket. this was hard, not just because it's sort of borderline gross but because you inevitably end up forgetting and just flush it anyways. totally do not get why the santorini plumbing can handle feces but not paper.
every morning we would wlak to the main road in town to visit the bakery. the baker who ran this place 24 hours learned to bake from his father. the most amazing smells came out of this palce. and whatever you purchased, you were gifted a sesame breadstick..mmmm...
everybody seems to know everybody. the island is small adn operates on tourism so getting on a bus or getting a taxi--someone just calls someone and then we stop on the road to chat because you always seem to run into a cousin or an uncle-in-law.
because of constant sun exposure, my hypothalamus is totally off. i'm radiating heat adn at the same time constantly chilly, breaking out into involuntary shivers like a newly developed tic disorder or a bad tweaking meth overdose. it's sort of embarrassing. despite that, and the fact that i've eaten a considerable share of greek salad to last me a good while, this was great. the island is beautiful, there is so much to do--it's definitely going on the list of places where, when i'm older and have scored my sugar daddy, i could purchase some lovely property to watch the sunset and sip local wine.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
beachm, winery, sunset
spent the day at the beach. was super cloudy at first. ironically, all i wanted for the past 3 days was for the wind to stop blowing and yet today, when it needed to blow the stupid cloud out of the way, there was no wind. eventually it got better and i worked on my tan for the last time. i am now a shade darker and a step closer to both premature aging and melanoma. yes!!
afterwards, we were off to wine tasting adn watching the sunset. this is absolutely the place for me: wine and cheese and olives. could sort of just stay there forever. the sunset, of course, was beautiful: magnificent pinks adn purples setting over the islands and the deep blue sea. sigh.
so funny thing. while at the winery, i went to the bathroom, of course, my kid bladder. i made very certain to read the label on the door, ascertaining that i walked into 'women'. imagine my surprise when i saw a tiny little old man (the geriatric bus must have just pulled in) washing his hands in the sink. he had his cane up on the sink/counter and had his back turned to me, drying his hands, so after thinking for a sec, i just went into the stall. he left unknowing of his own mistake.
afterwards, we were off to wine tasting adn watching the sunset. this is absolutely the place for me: wine and cheese and olives. could sort of just stay there forever. the sunset, of course, was beautiful: magnificent pinks adn purples setting over the islands and the deep blue sea. sigh.
so funny thing. while at the winery, i went to the bathroom, of course, my kid bladder. i made very certain to read the label on the door, ascertaining that i walked into 'women'. imagine my surprise when i saw a tiny little old man (the geriatric bus must have just pulled in) washing his hands in the sink. he had his cane up on the sink/counter and had his back turned to me, drying his hands, so after thinking for a sec, i just went into the stall. he left unknowing of his own mistake.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
volcano and sunset
so lawnmower was fun. almost died in the wind. but came out unscathed, although shivering. so today we went to climb the volcano. so first we took a bus to fira, the capital. however, this bus is not like a regular city bus, it;s a coach charter bus. we walked around fira mostly being accosted by shop owners wanting me to buy jewelry. at some point this asian lady (she had an accent, so i literally was able to understand half the stuff she said) told me i needed to buy something because she wanted to make me happy and she knew i was going to go away and come back with a man to buy me something because she just wanted to make me happy. then, there was a giant stairwalk, made out of cobblestone and marble that we walked down to get to the port. the only problem is that for like 5 Euro you can have a donkey take you down. so the whole thing is lined with chained donkeys, the whole strip is covered in tdonkey poo and pee and i'm walking down. me and teh donkeys had a deal: whenever i was passing them, they had to keep their tails down. everyone let's concentrate. after i almost slipped to my poopy perish, it was really scary. so getting to the port, peed in the worst bathroom ever, rivaling tajikistan gross: no toilet paper, unflushed toilet, awesomeness. we got on the boat which looked like a pirate boat, seriously, i even hung on the....bars? the things that keep the sails up!! the boat took us to the volcano, which literally is an island full of rocks and i climbed all teh way up. the tape warning us about the island that played on teh boat got stuck. so 'the walk takes 1200 meters and will take you 20 to 25 min" 20 times. awesome. i feared i was going to go down the volcano on my ass, but, alas, i survived intact. the guy off the boat let us on into the volcano for free, but apparently that meant he was going to inappropriately touch carla instead, she took one for the team, good girl!! i stayed out of the sulfur hot srpings mainly because you had to swim through actual sea and it was cold. but then coming back to the port, somehow, i got the idea that i dont like donkeys and would rather just walk up teh stairs, up again. oh lord! i havent worked out in a while and the walk up, amidst poo and pee, and actively pooping donkeys was intense (i have pics, i swear) then we drove up to oia (the northern-most point on the island where there is a great sunset view). dinner at the restaurant, great sunset. the tops of my ears are currently burning. i think there are sunburned.
Monday, May 17, 2010
lawnmowers and wind
so i drove a lawnmower today. well, not really, but the little ATV (the proper name) looks and feels like a lawnmower. was a bit scared, not going to lie, at first, but the thing was actually really cool to drive. goes about 50 km/h tops (whatever that means) and we literally drove around the whole island, exploring things and taking lots fo pics (to be posted soon). the only thing, it was super windy, like tornado like winds and i was freezing. at some point we got to the top of the mountain and i literally sat on the stupid thing, shivering. couldn't get off, partially due to cold, partially due to fear of being blown off. navigating the tiny little streets and crazy turns and super ridiculous hills, well, i thought hte little buddy was not going to make it a couple of turns, but it all worked out in teh end.
steve the bartender is kicking me off, i'll continue tomorrow.
steve the bartender is kicking me off, i'll continue tomorrow.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
let's go out tonight!!
ok, so seriously, it took me about half an hour to figure out how to log onto my own blog. oy! i suck at this. carla and aggie got massages at the beach. the beaches are swarmed with thai ladies ofering thai massages, much like you would find in thailand. but i geuss the beaches of phuket are too much competition, so now they're here. there is also a dude of uncertain ethnic origin, maybe greek, but maybe something more exotic, like bulgarian or croatian, who offers pretty cheap massages. i totally contemplated, but then got to watch carla being slathered in baby oil and worked on by this dude. he looked totally professional. but tehre is something indistinctly weird about a sweaty tan, slightly smelly man in a sun hat pulling and kneading muscles. especially when one is on exposed on the beach, in a bikini which he also pulls out of the way to expose butt cheeks and partial boob for muscle kneading purposes.
last night, as we were expecting the fourth and last of our party to arrive we decide to just hang out at the hotel bar. now, i should properly call this place a hostel, really, as it is overrun by college kids studying abroad and taking a vacay, aussies (cause that's what aussies do--travel), and random backpacking canadians. yes there is the occasional token asian group and some real time adults vacationing as couples. but really, it's a hostel. so hanging out at the bar and consuming ridiculously cheap greek beer (with authentic greek mythical names), turns out the bartenders (who are now buddies) are going out afterwards. after some consideration we agree to join (carla really wanted to go, aggie and i--not so much) suddenly, the bartender walks in and goes 'your friend's flight is canceled' no believing him, i get up to go check the airlines on the computer. now, there is a reason why bars in pools should not be next to pools. the bar is teaming now with 16 year olds (not literally, but you know) taking shots and drinking up a storm. as i try to pass the crowd to get around them to get to the computers, i take a step thinking it's the floor and.....fall into the pool. not like completely in, more like one leg giant step. i am rescued by some american guy who is dressed like an abercrombie catalog page and smells strangely like the combination of abercrombie store and a bit of b.o. but for the rest of the night half of my butt is soaked. the ironic part is that out of all people to fall in it was me, not some drunk teeny bopper girl :(. nice move, doctor, nice move. we ended up not going out. actually, we took a crazy cab into the city (thira, the capital of santorini) but couldnt find anyone from the hostel group. it was super windy and i was freezing (partially due to wetness). so took another cab ride home. oh well!
last night, as we were expecting the fourth and last of our party to arrive we decide to just hang out at the hotel bar. now, i should properly call this place a hostel, really, as it is overrun by college kids studying abroad and taking a vacay, aussies (cause that's what aussies do--travel), and random backpacking canadians. yes there is the occasional token asian group and some real time adults vacationing as couples. but really, it's a hostel. so hanging out at the bar and consuming ridiculously cheap greek beer (with authentic greek mythical names), turns out the bartenders (who are now buddies) are going out afterwards. after some consideration we agree to join (carla really wanted to go, aggie and i--not so much) suddenly, the bartender walks in and goes 'your friend's flight is canceled' no believing him, i get up to go check the airlines on the computer. now, there is a reason why bars in pools should not be next to pools. the bar is teaming now with 16 year olds (not literally, but you know) taking shots and drinking up a storm. as i try to pass the crowd to get around them to get to the computers, i take a step thinking it's the floor and.....fall into the pool. not like completely in, more like one leg giant step. i am rescued by some american guy who is dressed like an abercrombie catalog page and smells strangely like the combination of abercrombie store and a bit of b.o. but for the rest of the night half of my butt is soaked. the ironic part is that out of all people to fall in it was me, not some drunk teeny bopper girl :(. nice move, doctor, nice move. we ended up not going out. actually, we took a crazy cab into the city (thira, the capital of santorini) but couldnt find anyone from the hostel group. it was super windy and i was freezing (partially due to wetness). so took another cab ride home. oh well!
Saturday, May 15, 2010
der flug fliegt gleich ab!
so the best part about the flight over, besides the free booze, was the fact that my flight attendant decided to speak german to me, the whole time. so happy. also got to speak german in the duesseldorf airport while waiting for connecting flight to athens. had an interesting conversation with the passport control guy who complained that there was no room in my passport. sorry, i know, my passport is obese. had about 40 minutes to pick up luggage get onto flight to santorini and totally got lost in the airport. apparently, the greeks have an interesting way of labeling gates. so there are arrows pointing to the numbered gate but it's all confusing and the arrows change suddenly without warning. almost missed my flight. but i make it and the plane we're taking has a propeller, not a turbine inside a tube, but an actual outside propeller. well two, really, but i panic for a split second. i am seated next to an obese loud american lady, who deosnt fit into her seat. her panus ends up spilling both on top and bottom of the armrest. now, i dont take too much space so whatever, i dont care, but when i realize i need to duck everytime she raises her hand for fear of being elbowed in the eyeball, i'm peaved. suddenly the captain gets onto the loudspeaker to announce that there is a small problem with the plane. 'we can try to fix it, but we might make this small problem bigger. so we're going to take another plane. so we wait for an hour for the plane#2 to be ready. this guy is a total character, as he proceeds to poke his head into teh cabin and with thumbs raised smile 'just a little bit, it's for your safety' (you have to imagine a greek accent here). this behavior causes me to say 'who is this guy?" outloud. to which the obese lady proceeds to explain that this is the captain of teh plane. 'yes i know, but i mean this guy is not a real person.' thanks lady! during the filght, he names every single island we pass, providing interesting information, like 'this island has great beaches. this island doesnt really have anything." we arrive in santorini, it's beautiful. dinner is followed by drinks with strange locals carla has befriended who provide free shots. i have eben awake for too long. i am awake @ 4. nothing i can do. really hoping i can sleep tonight.
Friday, April 16, 2010
adoption issues
in case you havent heard, a boy adopted from russian by an american lady was sent back to russia by himself because his adoptive mother decided she could no longer parent him. this, of course, has created a super huge international conflict with russia temporarily suspending adoption to the us.
what this lady has done is irresponsible and terrible. i dont care how bad your kid is, i dont care if he threatens to burn the house, or that he is a terrible kid and you have no patience left in you. no adult sends a kid across the ocean by himself, with a note. i mean, yes, the airlines people were going to take care of him adn give him crayons, but that is not, in any way, the appropriate thing to do. however, to suspend adoption to the us altogether is not cool, since there are so many families in the process of becoming a parent to a little kid. my biggest problem with the whole situation is that russia itself is not big on adoption. there are a ton of orphans, most of them abandoned by their alcoholic parents, others taken away from drug-addicted or HIV+ mothers. and these kids, although cared for by the orphanages the best they can be, remain largely in orphanages, some of them really suffering with congenital things, like fetal alcohol syndrome or hep B. russians are not big on adoption. only recently has there been a new movement to adopt kids and take them out of orphanages. this new trend is spear-headed by celebrities and segments are featured on popular tv shows. but this is a hugely new phenomenon. for years, under the soviet rule, orphaned kids remained in orphanages, and adoption happened only when you absolutely, absolutely could not conceive or when something terrible happened. even then, you moved to a different city and hoped that no one around, including your adopted kid, knew that the kid is adopted. that was a shameful thing. but now, this thing has gotten all these russian officials angry. how dare stupid americans disrespect and abandon our russian children. and yes, that was a bad thing to do. but you dont care about your own kids, havent ever. so why are you now making this huge deal out of it, demanding sanctions, and more importantly denying other loving families a chance to have a kid?
russia has a history, though, i think, of making a lot of splash over issues that they themselves care less for. in early 2000s, Putin donated a ton of money to the Global AIDS Fund to 'fight AIDS in africa', while thousands of HIV+ people in Russia remained without treatment and largely marginalized due to their status. when asked about the state of HIV care in Russia, Putin responded that Russia did not have a problem with AIDS (at the time Russia had the highest rate of new infections in all of europe). maybe it's a big country syndrome. if something happens to an american abroad (ala amanda fox) we all rave about human rights violations, ignoring our own history of such. i'm not trying to dump on russia, or russian politics. i just think it's sad that a kid got dumped by his adoptive family adn many others are left in limbo waiting for their little kid to come home.
what this lady has done is irresponsible and terrible. i dont care how bad your kid is, i dont care if he threatens to burn the house, or that he is a terrible kid and you have no patience left in you. no adult sends a kid across the ocean by himself, with a note. i mean, yes, the airlines people were going to take care of him adn give him crayons, but that is not, in any way, the appropriate thing to do. however, to suspend adoption to the us altogether is not cool, since there are so many families in the process of becoming a parent to a little kid. my biggest problem with the whole situation is that russia itself is not big on adoption. there are a ton of orphans, most of them abandoned by their alcoholic parents, others taken away from drug-addicted or HIV+ mothers. and these kids, although cared for by the orphanages the best they can be, remain largely in orphanages, some of them really suffering with congenital things, like fetal alcohol syndrome or hep B. russians are not big on adoption. only recently has there been a new movement to adopt kids and take them out of orphanages. this new trend is spear-headed by celebrities and segments are featured on popular tv shows. but this is a hugely new phenomenon. for years, under the soviet rule, orphaned kids remained in orphanages, and adoption happened only when you absolutely, absolutely could not conceive or when something terrible happened. even then, you moved to a different city and hoped that no one around, including your adopted kid, knew that the kid is adopted. that was a shameful thing. but now, this thing has gotten all these russian officials angry. how dare stupid americans disrespect and abandon our russian children. and yes, that was a bad thing to do. but you dont care about your own kids, havent ever. so why are you now making this huge deal out of it, demanding sanctions, and more importantly denying other loving families a chance to have a kid?
russia has a history, though, i think, of making a lot of splash over issues that they themselves care less for. in early 2000s, Putin donated a ton of money to the Global AIDS Fund to 'fight AIDS in africa', while thousands of HIV+ people in Russia remained without treatment and largely marginalized due to their status. when asked about the state of HIV care in Russia, Putin responded that Russia did not have a problem with AIDS (at the time Russia had the highest rate of new infections in all of europe). maybe it's a big country syndrome. if something happens to an american abroad (ala amanda fox) we all rave about human rights violations, ignoring our own history of such. i'm not trying to dump on russia, or russian politics. i just think it's sad that a kid got dumped by his adoptive family adn many others are left in limbo waiting for their little kid to come home.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
food-y like thoughts
i'm not a foody, really far from it. mostly, because i dont eat meat adn i think to truly be a food critic you need to be able to taste various fleshy things. but i cook for fun, sloppily and usually undersalted, and i watch a lot of cooking shows. so top chef masters got me thinking.
i am amazed by gourmet grilled cheese crazes. i like grilled cheese, but i think sometimes it has gone too far. while i am a fan of throwing an occasional tomato or prosciutto slice for added kick, i feel like once oyu start adding too many things it stops being a grilled cheese. when does it become a regular sandwich? well, maybe not regular, but a panini. isnt that what it is: a grilled cheese sandwich?
so i dont eat meat..not a big deal, to me. i can generally walk into any restaurant adn find something i can consume because pretty much all places serve at least a side salad. unless, of course, you take me to a steak house, but that would be just cruel. or to chili's. chili's has very limited vegetarian options. even their 'side salads' come with bacon. i have a rule about ordering things: usually you can make things vegetarian to my taste even if they contain a protein by asking them to make it without that protein. but once oyu have to start removing 2, 3,4 things out of your salad--taht's a problem. but i think people freak out more about it than necessary, everyone gets very concerned over what alex is going to eat. and while it's true that i would not like to chew lettuce and especially pay large sums of money for it. but my food preferences are not like an allergy. peanuts won't kill me, although i dislike them. bread won't cause diarrhea and i wont age instantaneously if my food is heated first. this really only becomes a problem when traveling.
first time i went to germany i lucked out: my landlady was a vegetarian adn she introduced me to stores in berlin that actually sold tofu and soy products. i'm not actually big on those. i very (very) rarely buy tofu and soy products and fresh produce is so great in germany, you have tons of options for cooking. going out is another story. while vegetarianism is definitely picking up, germany is a big sausage eating country (no sexual connotation) adn traditional places will serve you hidden meat in your veggies...or bread as i once discovered. eastern europe is worse. here i am an anomaly. i get weird questions and looks and people panic adn dont know what to do with me. suddenly, the hearty meaty soup is out of the question adn the spread of various salamis is a waste. and it creates this commotion, that i'm going to die or something, just because i dont eat a particular thing. just serve me everything else and stop worrying, but no, that's too weird.
where i do die is central asia. here, vegetarianism is not an anomaly it is just unheard of. when i'm there, i lose weight, rapidly. this one time, my colleague adn i sat down in a cafe. the waitress stopped by to tell us the specials: kebob, steak, lamb chop. 'do oyu have anything vegetarian?"-my colleague asks. 'yes, we have meatloaf'. she was totally serious.
but i digressed. i wanted to talk about foodies. whenever i watch something like top chef, i always wonder if my palate is off. because the food the make is amazing and i think if i were to taste it, it would be pretty good (barring the meat thing). but of course, competitors get hammered with criticisms of this adn that, the textures adn the consistencies. maybe it's because i am not trained. maybe if i was a critic i would be able to criticize and poo-poo others' food liek that too. how do i get that job?
i am amazed by gourmet grilled cheese crazes. i like grilled cheese, but i think sometimes it has gone too far. while i am a fan of throwing an occasional tomato or prosciutto slice for added kick, i feel like once oyu start adding too many things it stops being a grilled cheese. when does it become a regular sandwich? well, maybe not regular, but a panini. isnt that what it is: a grilled cheese sandwich?
so i dont eat meat..not a big deal, to me. i can generally walk into any restaurant adn find something i can consume because pretty much all places serve at least a side salad. unless, of course, you take me to a steak house, but that would be just cruel. or to chili's. chili's has very limited vegetarian options. even their 'side salads' come with bacon. i have a rule about ordering things: usually you can make things vegetarian to my taste even if they contain a protein by asking them to make it without that protein. but once oyu have to start removing 2, 3,4 things out of your salad--taht's a problem. but i think people freak out more about it than necessary, everyone gets very concerned over what alex is going to eat. and while it's true that i would not like to chew lettuce and especially pay large sums of money for it. but my food preferences are not like an allergy. peanuts won't kill me, although i dislike them. bread won't cause diarrhea and i wont age instantaneously if my food is heated first. this really only becomes a problem when traveling.
first time i went to germany i lucked out: my landlady was a vegetarian adn she introduced me to stores in berlin that actually sold tofu and soy products. i'm not actually big on those. i very (very) rarely buy tofu and soy products and fresh produce is so great in germany, you have tons of options for cooking. going out is another story. while vegetarianism is definitely picking up, germany is a big sausage eating country (no sexual connotation) adn traditional places will serve you hidden meat in your veggies...or bread as i once discovered. eastern europe is worse. here i am an anomaly. i get weird questions and looks and people panic adn dont know what to do with me. suddenly, the hearty meaty soup is out of the question adn the spread of various salamis is a waste. and it creates this commotion, that i'm going to die or something, just because i dont eat a particular thing. just serve me everything else and stop worrying, but no, that's too weird.
where i do die is central asia. here, vegetarianism is not an anomaly it is just unheard of. when i'm there, i lose weight, rapidly. this one time, my colleague adn i sat down in a cafe. the waitress stopped by to tell us the specials: kebob, steak, lamb chop. 'do oyu have anything vegetarian?"-my colleague asks. 'yes, we have meatloaf'. she was totally serious.
but i digressed. i wanted to talk about foodies. whenever i watch something like top chef, i always wonder if my palate is off. because the food the make is amazing and i think if i were to taste it, it would be pretty good (barring the meat thing). but of course, competitors get hammered with criticisms of this adn that, the textures adn the consistencies. maybe it's because i am not trained. maybe if i was a critic i would be able to criticize and poo-poo others' food liek that too. how do i get that job?
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
bodily functions
so we have a bunch of patients on our services admitted for 'bowel related' dysfunction. there are all these people with constipation and diarrhea. now, i realize that those could be serious things, but i feel like too many people are just too in-tune with their bodily function. i mean people freak out about their 'constipation'. like you head straight for the emergency room if it's 10am and you still havent pooped. that's not constipation! when i was living in germany there was a show on tv in which jamie oliver (whom i would have married had he not been already taken and had two daughters with weird culinary names) tried to reform the british school cafeteria system. apparently, british schoolchildren have terrible diets adn go to their pcp's (that's primary care physician's) offices not having a bowel movement in 3-4 weeks, now that's constipation! i get it, it's annoying when you havent pooped, but really, really, have some patience. lay off the french fries and have a prune, trust me it'll go away. same with diarrhea, just because you're going and it's a little runny does not warrant an admission to the hospital. i do research in central asia, where you have to boil the water to even brush your teeth, it is so contaminated. and let me tell you, it gets bad, the bugs adn the traveler's diarrhea and i've survived without emergency room visits or hospitalizations. a little diarrhea has never hurt anyone...well, except maybe very smal children, the elderly, and people with HIV adn cholera. but really, occasional clearing is good for the system. also, i think people in coming to ER with complaints of diarrhea adn constipation should be triaged by a special chart. like everyone needs to get a diagram of some sort to correctly identify the poo-problem they are having. loose stools does not equal diarrhea. just because you're not valsalva-ing to the point of your eyeballs popping out, doesnt mean diarrhea. its ridiculous just how obsessed people become over the bowel movements. but unless there is water pouring out of your butt non-stop or you're actually impacted...
speaking of in tuned bodily function. when i was at uchicago for my elective gyn rotation, we had a slew of women come through clinic with obscure vaginal complaints. like women had these vague itchings and discomforts, but the labs and microscopy was always negative for any type of organism or infection. my attending (who is awesome) commented on these women's weird obsession with their own vaginas, their meticulous journal writing about their symptoms and what they ate on the particular day their vaginas were sad. i'm not kidding, really, it was that serious. my attending was amazed at the energy it took to keep this all organized and documented, the feelings adn thoughts of one's vagina. i pointed out to her, that perhaps, it's not so serious to her, vaginal symptoms i mean, because she is an ob/gyn adn knows better when to worry or to dismiss them. and my attending then asked me how many of MY friends were keeping vagina journals...fair enough! so i guess what i'm trying to say, if you have concerns about the state or feeling of your vagina, feel free to document them, write it down, and i'll be happy to discuss any symptoms with you...diarrhea or constipation--i'm not all that interested in, unless it's bad...real bad!
speaking of in tuned bodily function. when i was at uchicago for my elective gyn rotation, we had a slew of women come through clinic with obscure vaginal complaints. like women had these vague itchings and discomforts, but the labs and microscopy was always negative for any type of organism or infection. my attending (who is awesome) commented on these women's weird obsession with their own vaginas, their meticulous journal writing about their symptoms and what they ate on the particular day their vaginas were sad. i'm not kidding, really, it was that serious. my attending was amazed at the energy it took to keep this all organized and documented, the feelings adn thoughts of one's vagina. i pointed out to her, that perhaps, it's not so serious to her, vaginal symptoms i mean, because she is an ob/gyn adn knows better when to worry or to dismiss them. and my attending then asked me how many of MY friends were keeping vagina journals...fair enough! so i guess what i'm trying to say, if you have concerns about the state or feeling of your vagina, feel free to document them, write it down, and i'll be happy to discuss any symptoms with you...diarrhea or constipation--i'm not all that interested in, unless it's bad...real bad!
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