laboring and delivering

it's been about 6 weeks since i've become a real boy...err...real doctor. i thought i'd share some thoughts.
my most favorite so far is when i walk into a patient's room and get a 'are you old enough to be a doctor?" it's cute, it's annoying, whatever. the best is when the patient in bed is like 22 herself, and it's really hard not to respond to that with 'are you sure you're old enough to have kids?" to make small talk i ask my patients what they're having: a boy or a girl, and whether this unborn child has a name yet. this is asked mostly for curiosity because, you know, what if the name is kind of ugly? you cant say that, so everyone just gets the same 'aww, that's cute!" no matter what crazy thing they're naming their kid. so far, most names have been decently sane. the only problem is spelling. why are we trying to phonetically spell kids' names now? you know no one in the world is ever going to spell this one correctly, or even pronounce it properly, because even though it's phonetic, everyone will try to make it something it's not, leaving your child in endless sessions of therapy trying to resolve its identity crisis.
everyone always wants to know how much the baby weighs.. immediately after it is born..like the same second. i know weights matter, but i'd be more concerned about my baby having an ugly toe or just intact digits altogether. instead, as soon as the cord is cut, the question comes 'how much does he/she weigh?" really? that important? ironically, baby's weight is the last thing that is done (after little guy is cleaned and dried and we make sure its palate is not cleft adn it has a patent butt).
i love group deliveries. by that i mean, when you walk into a patient room and it looks like the room can play soccer (that's 11 players on the field for those who dont follow). yes births are exciting adn family members, friends, neighbors, coworkers all want to share. but why would you want a crew of people hanging out while your cervix dilates? hospital just does not seem like the place to have a fun get-together. it especially gets weird when adult male members of the family hang out while i check ladies' cervices. like dads remain in the room while their daughter, with effect of epidural has no feeling left in her legs and just let's them flop out as i check for dilation. a little weird, a little perverse, a little questionable.
god, i sound bitter. the best moment, i think, is when the little one finally comes out and the parents meet it for the first time, and they immediately love it, despite the fact they just met it and it's covered in schmutz.